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It can be very frustrating when others try to live their lives vicariously through you.
The pressures put upon you to achieve others’ hopes or expectations can squeeze most of the enjoyment out of the experience. More importantly, reaching out and striving for someone else’s agenda can kill the excitement and passion that is needed to overcome whatever obstacles may stand in the way.
CommitÂment may falter, self-confidence may suffer and the whole experience may produce a sense of failure rather than a sense of accomplishment.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, another problem that can be faced when looking to others when setting goals is when well-meaning loved ones do not want to see you “get your hopes up.”
These skeptics have a tendency to be over-protective, those who make it their purpose in life to stop loved ones from getting hurt by recommending that you do not even attempt to strive for certain goals. This is a prime example of “too much of a good thing”. These feelings, though they may come from a good place, can cause more negative issues in your life than positive ones, including leaving you wondering “What if?”
These loved ones advise you to accept situations, no matter how unhappy they may be, rather than to assert yourself in the direction your heart and your needs are telling you to go. Their motto is, “Take no risk and play it safe” and “Just be grateful for what you have and keep your nose clean.” To a person seeking self-fulfillment, these dream-stealers are like what kryptonite is to Superman, zapping energy and strength.
The safest way to deal with these folks is to simply keep them away from the opportunity to squelch your hopes and dreams by not sharing your ideas with people who are known to do this. This might be difficult because they may be family members — usually the same group from whom one might want and expect support from.
Instead, share your small achievements as they come to you. The best thing, as opposed to exposing yourself to mental cannon fire, may be to wait until your goals and dreams have taken hold before sharing them with these types of loved ones.